It finally hit me. After nearly 11 months and countless hours going from the kitchen to the bedroom, to the living room to the guest room. I HAD HAD ENOUGH!
It’s no joke how anything that disrupt your daily routine, sooner than later will take a toll on you. I remember being younger and saying, “I hate routines. Why do you have to do the same thing everyday ? How about some spontaneity?”.
Today, at almost 29 years of age, I want a routine. I want to know how my day is going to look like. I love some adventure, but please let me know what to expect before you surprise me.🤷🏻♀️
I had all the time in the world and what did I choose to do? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I watched way to many movies and shows and had little to no motivation to try anything new.
The first couple of months went by and I was feeling alright. I was even a little excited. I was lucky enough to not lose my job and be able to work from home. (Yay!) Did I mention that meant working from bed with a side of purring cat in my lap? Anyway, things where going well. A few weeks went by, maybe months - who knows, and things started to feel a little different. I hadn’t seen my mom in sometime, my in-laws where in a complete lockdown and I was keeping my distance from my friends (soul-sisters) just to keep it safe. Life started to feel a little strange then.
Somedays, I just couldn’t get out of bed. I had work to do and things to tend to but I just couldn’t. What for? It felt like an endless loop, one of those twilight zone episodes where the day and night see no end. Every night, every single night, I would tell myself, "OK, Sofia, We are going to try. Wake up a little earlier, make yourself some coffee and let's have a good day." And the next morning, I was laying in bed, feeling unmotivated scrolling thru my phone not wanting to do anything again. What for? And that has happened on and off.
Then something happened, I had a wedding to plan in the middle of a global pandemic and I had no idea if we were even going to have a wedding. How’s that for your daily dose of motivation? Fortunately, I have the best husband in the world (yes, we did get married) and with all the ups and downs we worked thru our wedding planning and adjusted the plans as we got closer to our wedding day. (It was beautiful, intimate and filled with love). Once we had a plan, and we got closer, all of the sudden I was me again! I had something to look forward to everyday. My motivation to get out of bed returned and I had a purpose - plan a wedding and annoy my husband while doing it. 😬
I’ve always been a motivated person, and I try to look at the positive side of things. I'm your typical, everything happens for a reason kind of girl, but this time everything I believed in and my self-motivation techniques were put to the test.
After the wedding I was doing well. I think it had something to do with some sort of wedding rush aftermath. I don’t know. But things were going smooth for me. Until they did’t. Thru my life, I've been thru some tough times, but I think this is the first time my mental health got challenged in ways I didn’t know how to manage. The world as we know it all of a sudden collapsed and it's out of my control.
Not everything has been dark, during this time I pushed myself to bring out my creative side - it has been dormant for quite some time (I'll tell you about some other time). I started writing more, dabbled in a little painting and I can also say I'm the keyboardist in my husband's post-punk band. Don't ask me how I'm doing it because I don't know. The point is- for every bad day I have I try to make it up and pack my good days with things that make me happy and motivate me.
As hard as it has been I try my hardest to find ways to stay active and motivated at home. One of my biggest motivators have been my little gang of fur babies, 6 to be exact ( 2 bunnies, a squirrel, a big fat cat and our two mice). Even on the days I did't feel like getting out of bed, I eventually did. Interacting with our pets brings a lot of joy in our house. When the mood is dull, all it takes is spending some time with them - they'll light up my heart in a minute.
I've had it. I've had enough. I gave myself 11 months - this is evolving but not going away any time soon. I made peace with what its happenning. I understand somedays will be better than others and thats ok. It’s ok to have a bad day and honor my feelings.
You are not alone - one way or another we are together in all of this.